Easy DIY detox

Um, hello… it’s already spring. That’s right. It’s September. It’s literally a matter of weeks before the weather hots up and it’s time for the beach. WHAT? Did I say weeks? Holy bikini-time Batman!

I don’t know about you, but I’m staring down the barrel of bikini shopping and not feeling all that excited about baring my not-so-tanned winter body in a change room with 3 way mirrors and florescent lights (Yes, I’m talking to you Myer).

I feel all blurgh and I need a plan. Lucky for you, I have one. I always have a plan. It’s called Project Fab-u-Cleanse – a simple DIY detox  to get your mind and body feeling change room friendly.

How long? As long as you like. I recommend a week to start and continuing for another two weeks if you have the time and inclination. Don’t get stressed out if you have an event or something on. It’s not meant to be hardcore. If you need to eat/drink outside of the guidelines below, that’s fine. Just get back to it the next day. Easy.

What do you have to do? It’s soooo easy. Follow the simple detox guidelines below for the 1-3 week cleanse period and exercise for at least 4 hours per week (walking, running, yoga, aerobics, pole dancing, zumba – whatever takes your fancy). Couldn’t be any easier. If you want to throw in a 3 or 5 day juice cleanse as part of the program, go for it (you can order from the Urban Remedy website.

Print out your cheat sheet here. I’ll also be uploading lots of detox recipes (especially salads, juices and smoothies) and a detox yoga sequence to this blog so keep an eye out if you’re interested.

Easy DIY detox guidelinesThis is a pretty gentle, do-at-home with minimal disruption, detox, aimed at reducing the bad stuff and increasing the good stuff. One benefit you’ll probably notice is a little bit of weight loss (due to replacing “less good for you” foods with better choices). You’ll also have more energy (you have no idea how much the “eliminate” foods slow you down – for example, white sugar and white flour are devoid of nutrients, and what’s worse, is that when you eat them, they actually take nutrients out of your body in order for your system to process  them – seriously), you’ll feel much fresher and lighter, and most importantly, it will set you up in a healthy zone for spring and summer (and your bikini).

Eliminate
Red meat and other processed meats
White flour – white sugar, white bread, white rice, white pasta, cous cous
Refined sugar – cakes, pasties, lollies, chocolate (ouch)
Processed and packaged foods, especially with preservatives, flavours or colours (look on the back for numbers)
Alcohol
Artificial sweetener (aka poison)
Cigarettes
Fried, heavy and fatty foods

Food to reduce
Dairy (switch at least half of your dairy intake with soy or rice milk products). Plain, unsweetened yoghurt with live cultures is fine (good for you in fact).
Caffeine – drink green or white tea instead of coffee and black tea
Eggs – 3-4 per week are fine, but try to make them organic
Salt (sea salt ok)
Bread – wholemeal or spelt sourdough ok
Starchy high GI veggies like potatoes
Chicken – organic chicken once or twice a week is fine

Food to increase
Fish (steamed and baked best)
Nuts and seeds
Fruit and veggies
Vegetable protein; lentils, chickpeas, navy beans, lima beans, pinto beans, kidney beans, tofu
Whole grains; brown rice, quinoa, oats, spelt, buckwheat, millet
Make smoothies as breakfast/snacks or meal replacements; banana, spinach, cos lettuce and apple juice makes a delicious smoothie. I’ve been making them every day lately for breakfast. Yum.

Other stuff to do to increase benefits
Drink hot water and juice of ½ a lemon in the morning (great detoxifier and also kick starts digestion)
Drink loads and loads of water and herbal tea to flush out toxins. Aim for 30mls per day for every kilogram of body weight. 

Try a colonic - see my (rather graphic) post about colonic hydrotherapy
Do some cardio – sweat out toxins
Have a steam or sauna
Meditation – detox your thoughts too
Try some yoga
 
Also consider
Eat slowly and chew thoroughly – this alone can make an enormous difference
Eat mindfully – give meal times your full attention
Eat a little less than normal – you’ll be surprised at how you don’t need to eat as much as you think you do
 
That’s it. Pretty easy. I’ll be doing this for the next 3 weeks. Come along for the ride.
 

Up my what? A colonic affair

So my beautiful housemate has been RAVING about her series of colonics. Her tummy is flatter, her digestive system has improved, she’s been having regular “movements”, her skin looks amazing and she generally feels great.

Ok, so it’s my turn. I’m not particularly fond of the idea of having a foreign object put in my “sacred place” (just around the corner from my “special place”), but the benefits sound great, so I’m willing to give it a shot.

Beforehand I’m a little bit worried about it being embarrassing and my “not so nice stuff” from my “sacred place” being on display. I have visions of unflattering noises and yucky mucky stuff coming out for all to see. This is made worse by the fact that my colon hydrotherapist turns out to be a man. Oh joy.

Believe it or not, it’s actually not that bad and not really embarrassing at all (especially if you have had a Brazilian wax before and been asked by your therapist to lie on your tummy and “spread em please”).

For those of you interested in the gory details, I’ll give you a quick rundown of the process. The therapist leaves the room and you get undressed from the waist down and cover yourself with a towel. Therapist comes back and puts lubed tube in “sacred place”. This is the least fun part. I might have yelped as Marcus (lovely Marcus with whom I am now intimately acquainted, much to the displeasure of my boyfriend, who likens it to having an affair) asked if I was ok, to which I replied, “um, it’s just that I’ve never had anything up there.” He then said, “that’s too much information.” And I said, “no, too much information would be me telling you that I have all sorts of stuff up there all the time.” Ice-breaker. I feel better already. But still not happy with tube in sacred place.

Then comes the “fill” part, where 18-25 litres of water is pumped into your colon. I didn’t even feel this; it was only noticeable when there was a little “gas” to pass through and then it just felt like a slight cramp.  Then the pressure is released and stuff starts coming out. There is no sound at all (thank goodness) and it’s not like you even feel like you’re going to the toilet. Aside from the tube up the youknowwhatsit and seeing your waste travelling past a glass window in the machine, it’s actually fine.

Each treatment is a series of fills and releases and lasts for about 45 mins. Your therapist stays with you the whole time guiding you through the process, massaging your tummy to move things through and watching what is coming out. All sorts of wonderful things can come out; gas, candida, parasites, poorly chewed food, waste, toxins and adrenal fluid (caused by stress). I’m not telling you which of those came out of me, but suffice to say that most did and I am a pretty healthy person, so imagine what an unhealthy person would pass through!

After four treatments with the lovely Marcus at The Colon Hydrotherapy Centre in Darlinghurst (also in Randwick), I can honestly say that I feel amazing. One of the key benefits that I’ve noticed is reduced edema (fluid retention) due to allergenic substances being removed with the waste and I swear that I feel skinnier and lighter than I have in ages. My tummy is flat and my digestive system is much improved.

I can honestly say that combining a juice cleanse (I know of a good one…) and series of colonics is an amazing way to detox and feel light and full of energy.

The cost is $95 per session. Well worth it in my humble (nothing more humbling than having tube in sacred place) opinion. 

PS. I highly, highly recommend Marcus as he made me feel so comfortable and at ease. He’s my new best friend and I’m going back in 5 weeks for a follow up treatment.

PPS. I almost titled this post “A colonic journey with a happy ending”, but then I thought better of it.